anymore? If I write or I don't. The truth is I do want to write, but most often its that voice in my head telling me, "But who wants to hear my thoughts anyway? I have so much going on in this head how can I possibly focus and put words to paper?"
I will often come here and stare. What am I doing here? Sometimes I will stay awhile and look around, read past posts and think, "Wow, did I really write that?" And I know better. It isn't me, but the Lord working through me. It is why I started this blog in the first place...to allow the Lord to use me to encourage others in any way He wants to.
Even though its been quiet here, life outside of this space hasn't been. Sure we are busy with school and scouts and other activities, but that is not what I mean. The busyness is in my head, in my mind.
Non-stop thoughts, non-stop..whirling and whizzing..getting louder and louder and I feel like my head is going to explode because these thoughts are banging around inside my brain so fast and hard my head hurts. These thoughts seep down into my heart and begin to take root. I have become overwhelmed with negative emotions of annoyance and irritability. My mind and heart are overgrown with weeds that are choking all life's goodness out and it hurts. It always hurts...this pain. I don't want to think or feel this way anymore. I just want to be numb from it all, my first instinct is to retract and hide. I also know how bad that is because I have always done that. I run and hide from my feelings. I don't let myself feel the pain, the hurt, and the uncomfortable and sometimes even the good. I lock it all away in that dark place never allowing healing and growth to begin. This nasty cycle needs to stop, the bounding chains need to be broken so I can finally be set free.
Oh how wonderful that sounds...freedom! I know I am free in Christ because He died and shed His blood for me. I know when I asked Him to come into my life, to take up residency in my heart I was born again. I became a new creature. The truth is I know all of this, so why I am I holding on to the old garbage that belonged to my old self? Didn't that die away when I was made new? I don't want it anymore. I am tossing it out like the things I did when I had my yard sale. The old has to go, never to come back in..it isn't welcome, it doesn't belong here anymore.
This junk and garbage is not my treasure. It is cluttering up my entire being leaving no room for the good things the Lord wants to bless me with. I know all this, yet it is a battle I am currently in. I have been fighting and struggling with this for a very long time. I know the Lord is gently teaching me and showing me His truth, He is doing a good work in me. I realize I have been resisting and fighting against letting it go. I have been holding onto this junk because it has been with me for so long my fingers are stuck in that tight grasp that won't open up to just. let. go.
But its time. It is time to let go. It is time to be set free. It is time to live fully. It is time to receive the blessings the Lord wants to give. It is time to pry open the dark place and let the light shine in. To release it into the light where it will be painful to see, but the light will overpower the darkness. Because this light, which is His truth, His love, His faithfulness and goodness shines ever so bright. It is by His might and power that can once and for all set us free. We just need to let it go and give it to Him.
It is time. Now. Is the time.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Have a blessed day in the Lord!